I have never been closer and yet further from someone than now. Distant is stealing my mother from me. The cancer is slowly taking its toll and that is bad enough as her body continues to weaken but Distant is a whole different worry.
The cancer was first diagnosed in 2012. Low grade lymphoma they told us. The prognosis was great, this cancer would probably never need treatment and if it did it wasn’t a chemo treatment. Life went on just as it always had and she continued her running/walking regiment of 4 miles a day and lifting weights along with gardening all day. My mom is quite unstoppable.
Fast forward to present day. March of this year to be exact and a whammy of a blow. She went from the picture of health for a 73 year old to deathly ill in two weeks. Chemo was necessary immediately and oh by the way, once in a while this cancer does go wildfire for no apparent reason. Honestly, I think they say this just so they can’t say they are surprised it did something they didn’t see coming and didn’t think it ever would do this.
My life halted and I quit my job as an over the road truck driver and moved in with her to provide as much support as I can to get her through this episode in life. After all, she has done so much for me and I am her only child as we lost my brother at the age of 26. That’s when I found Distant. I discovered that if it isn’t written down, it doesn’t register as a permanent memory. My mom has been covering her memory problem successfully for a long time and I now see how bad it is because I live here. There was the day I walked in the kitchen to hear about her walk, I left the room and walked back in to hear the story exactly again. A ground hog day if you will. It can also be something funny like when we were driving and she noticed the price of gas. Her words were “oh, gas here is two fourteen and back home its two thousand and nine”. I wouldn’t want to get gas there! Now I am seeing the time lapses and she knows something happened but doesn’t remember when it did, but she can remember things from years ago.
Distant is slowly taking my mother from me and I do hope it remains a slow process as now we have added chemo to the mix. Not only have I had to watch my vibrant, active mother lose the energy to work in her garden but now I am losing her to Distant. As she is going to drift further and further away and become more distant despite the fact that I am right here. At least I can giggle at the silly things she says and remember the time she said we could drive “internet” speeds on the road. I like to see the day they post speed limits in gigabytes. Distant has not taken her yet and I can hope and pray that Distant remains very distant.